MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL'S EXTREMELY NASTY CARDS
by Hans ten Cate
Sunday, 22 September 1996

The Monty Python & The Holy Grail Collectible Card Game is great fun. Any Python fan's dream, really. Reciting lines from the Holy Grail film is, after all, a national pastime. There are a number of cards we found in the game, however, that were just too brilliant for words. They were either extremely nasty or just down-right hilarious. So we present to you some of the coolest cards we have come across so far...

LEGENDARY BLACK BEAST OF ARRRGHHH! - This is the toughest monster in the game short of the Killer Rabbit. Sacrifice one knight just for encountering the damned thing.
Card Number: 172 / Type: Peril / Frequency: Uncommon


INTERMISSION - Getting bombarded with taunts and adversaries? Tell your opponent to take a break. Play the Intermission card to take your turn unhindered by any cards.
Card Number: 157 / Type: Event / Frequency: Rare


ECCENTRIC PERFORMANCE - Stunned by the eccentric performance of Tim the Enchanter, players must discard their entire hand and draw 7 new cards. Comes in handy when the pickens are slim and you need some new cards fast!
Card Number: 91 / Type: Event / Frequency: Uncommon



A NEWT? - Choose a member of opponent's Round Table to be turned into a newt. It's OK though, because they get better. But only after a certain number of turns, as dictated by the grail number you draw from the top of your deck. Pretty neat if you want to disable your opponent's strongest knight for a while.
Card Number: 200 / Type: Event / Frequency: Common



GET ON WITH IT - This card shows the Knights of Camelot, ready for combat and yelling "Get On With It!" If you feel that your opponent is moving too slow, you play this card so that your opponent's turn ends immediately and it becomes your turn.
Card Number: 123 / Type: Event / Frequency: Common


FAMOUS HISTORIAN - This card will allow you to peek at your opponent's hand or force him into a battle of wits which may result in the loss of some of his cards. Not bad. Unless, of course, your opponent throws in the dreaded...
Card Number: 102 / Type: Persona / Frequency: Common

SLAYING OF THE HISTORIAN - Just as in the film, the death of the historian puts the police hot on King Arthur's trail. The game will end in 2-plus-grail-number-draw turns. This can be a game winner and is "darkly hilarious at the same time."
Card Number: 273 / Type: Event / Frequency: Rare



MAJOR TAUNT - A few of the rare "Taunt" cards are particularly nasty. This Major Taunt, as evidenced by the large number of Frenchmen on the battlements, forces your opponent to send 10 cards to the dead cart from any combination of her hand, deck, or cards in her Round Table. Ouch!
Card Number: 185 / Type: Taunt / Frequency: Rare


SIR PASTE YOUR PICTURE HERE - Not really a Write Yer Own card but still customizable! If you have actually glued a photograph of your face here, he's a Combat 4, Wits 4 knight. Without the picture, he's just a Combat 1, Wits 1.
Card Number: 270 / Type: Knight / Frequency: Common



DUMB IDEA - "Look, if we built this large wooden badger..." Sir Bedevere's botched plan to invade the French castle of Guy de Loimbard forces you to lose a battle of wits. This will mean that in the next round, your opponent will have to fight an adversary in combat.
Card Number: 90 / Type: Event / Frequency: Uncommon



FARM ANIMALS - One member of your opponent's Round Table (chosen by opponent, though) is killed instantly by one of many farm animals catapulted over the castle walls. "Jeeeeeesus Christ! Run away! Run away!"
Card Number: 104 / Type: Event / Frequency: Uncommon



SIR NOT-APPEARING-IN-THIS-FILM - Little Tommy Palin never thought he'd actually be a knight in combat. Michael Palin's son is a Combat 2, Wits 0 knight. He can be found in castles and doesn't like being disturbed during his mid-afternoon nap.
Card Number: 269 / Type: Knight / Frequency: Common



GET SLOP POURED ON YOU - This one's great in combination with a fierce adversary. Target knight is forced to combat the current adversary or peril and may not run away this turn. Use this card in combination with the Legendary Black Beast of Arrrghhh! This will kill at least two of his knights because of the beast's 18-point combat value. Hilarious (unless, of course, you're the victim).
Card Number: 124 / Type: Event / Frequency: Common



BRING OUT YOUR DEAD - Lost some really good cards to your dead cart recently? Have no fear. Play this card to reshuffle the dead cart back into your deck. You have to remove this card from play after use, however.
Card Number: 50 / Type: Event / Frequency: Common



MESSAGE - You sacrifice one of your pages into your dead cart to get a peak at your opponent's hand. The page may not be quite dead, however. Draw a grail number, if it's a 4, 5, or 6, return him to play.
Card Number: 189 / Type: Event / Frequency: Common



MODEL - "It's only a model," quips Patsy, Arthur's trusty page. If you are having problems passing a village or castle, get rid of it by playing this card. Items can also be removed from play this way. Perhaps a good one to play on your opponent?
Card Number: 191 / Type: Event / Frequency: Uncommon



KILLER RABBIT - Here's a creature "so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived!" Every one of your knights has to fight this little bastard. And at least one of your knights is thrown into the dead cart from the start. This is the worst! Things don't get any nastier than this card, trust me.
Card Number: 161 / Type: Peril / Frequency: Rare